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Virtual Handhold, LLC -  Human/Computer Interface Psychology
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The Vacuum of a Break-up
OMG...or not! (When Bad Things Happen)
Stuck in Love Online?
How many Flavors of People?
Time is Money? or Time is Happiness?

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The Vacuum of a Break-up

What people are totally unprepared for when a breakup occurs is the vacuum.

Now a spot that has always been filled is gone? That hollow feeling, which repeatedly screams something-is-missing eats away at any resolve that constituted the breakup originally.

Vacuums are uncomfortable. Change is uncomfortable. Being a free ion probably is uncomfortable. Whenever there is a need to break, whether it be with a career choice, a significant other, a geographical location that is loved, anything that we considered ours and part of our identity .

OMG...or not! (When Bad Things Happen)

Bad things happen.

You have a disappointment or a biological snafoo and your first and only thought jumps to your worst fear. 

You are now using the little amount of positive energy you have toward, What? You are focusing your plot/story toward destruction.

Many of us read novels, biographies and movies, which as a requirement of interest, there is a major hiccup that has to be overcome. If there isn't such a catastrophe there is no reason to read the book, watch the movie or even have bothered with the story, right?

Stuck in Love Online?

Virtual relationships can be excellent support. They can also be invigorating, intriguing, feed our creativity, and put a spring in our step.

However, when your heart is so involved with your love online that you can not extract your feelings for real life engagements, it can feel like prison.

You are a prisoner of a love that doesn't seem plausible that it will ever come to fruition. You can't move forward with your life and you can't live just online, so what can you do?

It is simple for others to say, "Well forget him/her and move on.

How many Flavors of People?

You know how irrational it is when people try to compartmentalize you. 

"Oh, you're a yellow person, an INTJ, or you're an introvert." 

People try to squeeze you into an easy-to-understand judgemental box, so they can dismiss you or accept you based on an "either/or" decisions tree.

"You are not my religion, or the wrong color, too fat, too skinny" The way people superficially categorize others is a huge problem, especially when you are on the receiving end.

Time is Money? or Time is Happiness?

Most people who buy into the rules of the game look at their time as money. If I work harder, smarter I will get the points of the game...which is money.

With money I can buy the big house (I won't have time to stay in), the big tv (that shows the exact same shows as the little one), the fancy car (that drives the same distance to work as the economical one.) BUT people will look at me as successful!?!

That is apparently the point of the game... other people's approval. That is sad really. Don't the psychologists call that co-dependant?

The Secret to Happiness...Physical Beings or Reality?

I have been examining what makes people happy, and I have come to a few conclusions.

1. They have a goal they are striving for...
2. They have and desire these things.
a. loyalty
b. love
c. courage
d. determination
e. appreciation
f. beauty 
g. creativity (observing or creating)
h. forgiveness 
g. honesty ..etc.

Most of these nouns can be used as verbs as well. "I love you." Love being the action. or "Love is wonderful." Love being the noun and subject.

All that is fine if you are into epistemology but that doesn't solve anything really.

Dating Sites--Is there hope?

Touch is so needed for these biological avatars we live in. We need to feel close to someone. Sometimes just a hug will do it. Sometimes you need a stable second personality to give you perspective.

Today the choices are... Meet someone at work; meet them at a bar; or a chance meeting at the laundromat or grocery store. A lot of hurdles to get to know someone, but dating sites say, "Come we All want someone. Meet them here!"

But remember each site needs money to run. Each site will claim they are the best in the business in one form or the other.

...But I am soo lonely?

Strange that with so many ways to connect in today's technological world, people can feel so alone.  

Everyone posts when something wonderful happens in their life or how much they love their significant other, which only increases the feelings of loneliness for those that are not actively engaged is some sort of partnership arrangement.

It can seem that all the world is happy and you just don't belong, but it is not so. 

We are ALL alone. That's right. Everyone of us are in our own skin and our own mind, alone!

A Call to Trolls!

What the &*(&)%!@#$! are you doing? I can hear the response now...lol.

Trolls attack. They get in your face and make you examine every possible thought or motive that made you make a statement online. They are brutal and the more you respond with any type of emotion the more they nit-pick through your innards.

There are immersives that have become introverts, dropped off the web, and even committed suicide because of the viciousness of attacks. I am not condoning this type of behavior, but I can also see a tenaciousness that we need and can be directed toward reworking governments.

Weighing your Stress

I have watched a difficult situation be evaluated by a team at my new project location.

New ownership, meant new management, meant new software to run, new accounting methods, new business licenses and all the government hoops. Some people leave because it is too stressful, some are asked to leave. No doubt this is indeed a stressful situation causing interrupts to function, but how much are you going to allow it to affect you?

Little things like, "Where are the garbage cans?" can tip the scale, pushing people to their limits.

The Power of Acceptance

Crowd think. It is natural for our species to wish to belong. There is great power that can be wielded for good and evil because of that need.

Peer pressure would be an example of bad. Also patriotism and religion have been known to use this basic human need to manipulate individuals into doing things contrary to positive actions for self.

We need to feel accepted and valued. 

Yesterday's Roadside Philosopher's topic was, "What is your ultimate question?" We had many wonderful contributions but one question hit me as unique.

But what if I Fail?

Fear of failure seems to be a major motivating factor that STOPS everything.

"I can't talk to her. What if she doesn't like me?" 

We are afraid of rejection, so much so that games are incorporating that fear to get you to buy stuff. Wow, we can't even stand to see the word FAIL on a Candy Crush level so we will buy a cheat component to pass level 147.

"But what if I fail?" Is hardwired into us. Fail means you're not good enough...but in whose eyes? By what game?

Freedom of letting others be Free.

It is amazing how much we wish freedom for ourselves but want to curtail others.

It is also a knee-jerk reaction for women to want to tie down a man for their security, and men's desire NOT to be burdened. So we have a gender issue here.

We have those who think their religion should dominate the planet and they will do whatever they have to do to make others See the Light! 

There are those that say they are scientifically minded and believe everyone elses experiences irrelevant, seeking to step on and smear anything that can't be proved with numbers (as if numbers were not a

Agile Personal Relationship Choices

There are tons of articles that tell you how to spend your money, or predict your financial future with offerings of decision trees or unique methodologies, but very little to tackle the emotional drama-trauma that comes with intimate relationships?

So outside of theState of Beingcomponent (see presentation under education menu) to judge at what level of engagement the person opposite is in, I would like to offer one other simple structure.

You have all heard the  "What does it mean to you.

Whose Dogma is Reality?

Reality is a variable which depends on who is spinning the tale.

It saddens me to hear people get on their high- horses and use invalid trump cards without ever really thinking things through from the beginning.

There are the religious people who throw the trump card, "The Bible, Koran, Confucius, Torah, Budda...Says..." and that is supposed to end any further discussion.

There are the materialists that keep throwing Science up as their trump card without ever examining their thought processes either.

Less is More

Marketing has always spoon fed us the notion thatMORE=Happy

We figure if we have more food, a larger pool, a bigger house, more money, more friends that THAT will mean we are happy!

It takes a long time to reach the glutenous conclusion that "More" does not make one happy.

We have a government that figures MORE laws, MORE forms, MORE requirements will make things run smoother, but it doesn't. More red tape helps no one. MORE is not the answer...less is! Wouldn't it be lovely if all the laws were reduced to the Hippocratic Oath?

Dealing with NEVER... The word that ends something.

One thing is for sure, everyone reading this (outside of bots) are inhabiting a biological unit.

That deteriorating biological unit comes with an expiration date.

Nobody likes that, so we pretend it does not exist. It is the fault of everyone else or things, or insurance etc. 

I sometimes have a hard time with people when they start ranting about their 95 year old parent getting an infection and dying in the hospital. They act like death could have been avoided? 

There IS an EXPIRATION date in everyone's folder, but that is not what I wish to talk about today.

Project Manage Your Life


I meet a lot of Agile and Project Management professionals, but rarely do they think to take their business management expertise and apply it to their own life.

People seem to just be flotsom (material or refuse floating on water). Wherever the wave or current takes them they deal with it as if they have no control.

No one thinks. The day is filled with noise and demands from outside. They keep "background noise" going on all the time so they don't have to examine their own thoughts?

When Choosing a Partner, look for the Negative!

Making a decision about a mate is most often made by looking at what is desired.

He must be tall; she must be thin. Must be a beautiful person, make lots of money etc etc.

We shop like it is a grocery list. "Sorry you do not meet my criteria. You're dismissed."

This is totally the wrong way to look for a frail human companion.

The most important thing is to look at their faults. That's right...their faults. These are the things that will cause you to tear your hair out down the road.

...But a Name Makes it Real!

The "What is Real?" question about virtual existence has brought about tons of questionable aspects of our real life.

Names: What are names? Well if you pay the right people and fill out the right documents..."Poof" you now have a REAL company because it has a unique NAME! Did it exist before? Well, yeah you were working on it for awhile before you decided you wanted to be official. So giving it a NAME makes it real.

Back in the farming days people raised animals. I remember being told NOT to name the animals that were destined to be on the table, because you can not eat a pet.