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Virtual Handhold, LLC -  Human/Computer Interface Psychology
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Recent Posts

When Choosing a Partner, look for the Negative!
...But a Name Makes it Real!
We do not live for Reality; we live for our Fantasy!
Seeking Romance Online?
Information Credibility vs State of Being

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Relationships

When Choosing a Partner, look for the Negative!

Making a decision about a mate is most often made by looking at what is desired.

He must be tall; she must be thin. Must be a beautiful person, make lots of money etc etc.

We shop like it is a grocery list. "Sorry you do not meet my criteria. You're dismissed."

This is totally the wrong way to look for a frail human companion.

The most important thing is to look at their faults. That's right...their faults. These are the things that will cause you to tear your hair out down the road.

...But a Name Makes it Real!

The "What is Real?" question about virtual existence has brought about tons of questionable aspects of our real life.

Names: What are names? Well if you pay the right people and fill out the right documents..."Poof" you now have a REAL company because it has a unique NAME! Did it exist before? Well, yeah you were working on it for awhile before you decided you wanted to be official. So giving it a NAME makes it real.

Back in the farming days people raised animals. I remember being told NOT to name the animals that were destined to be on the table, because you can not eat a pet.

Seeking Romance Online?

A delightful plan to shop for a like-minded person online...IF what you read online was 100% true. First decide the probability of truth for each item you read.

A huge amount of profiles on dating sites are foreigners working the site...trolling for lonely hearts, which they eventually wish to get close enough to... to spin a story that will wring money from you.

The list to the left is one I put up on Facebook for my friends. 

I work my recommendations almost daily, examining for those items listed.

Being Alone? Is that BAD? Are you of less value?

It is interesting this holiday season how many sad comments I am getting about the fact that I am no longer partnered. That means I am physically in my abode by myself. "OMG how horrid for you during the holidays?"

Trying to explain my feelings seem to be irrevelant.

Being alone is the natural state of being. We are all alone in our mind. No one invades or truly knows who we are but us.

Whether you interact in a group or not you are still inside your mind seperate. Even in a crowd you are alone.

The Pain Was So Bad; How Can I Love Again?

Having a breakup can put you in the gun-shy group, where you relive and relive what things SHOULD have been, and question what went wrong.

Then when you meet someone else you hold up the same things that were pleasant in the previous relationship and now see them leading you down the path of destruction. All pleasant things are now seen bad.

How can you get pass that and let yourself love again?
 
Yep, it was hard. Yep, your friends are really really tired of hearing your tale of woe and how it should have been, or how your ex is re-spinning the story that was the two of you into something it was never, just so they can justify themselves and their reactions.

Who Am I? The Internal Question.

We are pummeled back and forth with expectations and cultural and ethical guidelines, but in these constructs do we find who we are? Or do we just create an acceptable facade? 

How many voices are in our heads? How many rule books do we have to play to? When do we sift those things that don't work for us into an acceptable vision of who we really are?

I role play in life. I was a Mom because some wonderful little human beings came out of my body. I was a clown because I felt I needed a life with smiles.

Digital Mistress

A virtual exercise partner in the horizontal mamba, or in other words, a digital mistress is becoming more and more prevalent. 

Men need female support and those tantalizing comments that awaken the testosterone components that keep them driving forward. Some naughty words that make them smile and gives them drive.  

The woman that understands that they have needs becomes valuable. That naughty little comment between meetings, or the photo of a body part is like a vitamin B shot for men. (Hence, here comes the digital mistress.

Flip Side of Immersion Extremes

I have written often on the Engagement Level called Disassociative and how they can be perceived as the bad guys, and i have talked about Immersion as good for education and for those socially isolated but...

It is not like immersion doesn't come with risks, not only for your own heart, but immersion to the extreme is dangerous even for others.

This article was brought to myattention.click here  

It is about a Second Life gaming couple with a young child who were so immersed in the validation of their virtual life that Real Life obligations were considered interruptions and detested, so much so they starved their child near death and they still didn't care.

Love Online or Horror Movie?

Now that I am out on a few dating sites, I am afraid I am analyzing everything said to me. This is/is-not a good profession to be in if you are considering really looking. *smile*

Is the person talking to me the person represented online?

What hidden agenda is really going on. 

One first contact with a guy insisted that you better have sex on the first date or there would be no second date. 

Yep, you guessed it. There was no FIRST date. That really isn't a hidden agenda and easy to dismiss even when he thought harassment and name calling would make him a more desirable contact?

Over Easy with Opinions!

With the dissociatives out there and the immersives it is sometimes hard to know who to target? Do you address your comments to those who like the extremes for a giggle or do you work to present a level headed, balanced topic.

In marketing, apparently the advice is to "Make IT Memorable" in whatever way you can...good or bad. Just be known!
They would have you strip and do something "OMG" memorable to get attention, which would allow you coverage in newspapers, magazines, radio and tv to get your true point across.

Cyber Bullying

What is one of the first things to hit me on the news station for my new Florida County? A 12 year old girl committed suicide because of cyber bullying! I am outraged that emotional trauma is filtering down to even younger ones faster than I can get the words or construct out for dealing with online emotional engagement.

I had to call both the sheriff's department and the school district to see if I can offer my services.

We have handed the world over to our youth without any tools to deal with their emotional growth for this human/computer interface.

Virtual Relationships-Are we Blind?

Are we blind when we communicate and connect online? 

Is the only way to "Really" love visual and tactile?

Does that mean someone blind cannot love? 

Can you only love someone you touch? (That would totally take the romance out of the lyrics - "...to love pure and chaste from afar" Impossible Dream)

We have all heard the saying, "Love at first sight." Many times those incidents have been documented as life long commitments that work, other times it was a fleeting passion dissolved with the first spoken word.

Artistic Differences-Get It?

Art means somebody is NOT going to GET it! That is just the way of it.

Whether you are looking at modern art or classic renaissance; you're listening to  hard rock, rap or country music, there will be someone loving it and others hating it.

I remember going to the Smithsonian's Modern Art Museum with my daughters after we had just spent a couple of hours enjoying the traditional art museum classics. We only spent 15 min walking through this modern museum trying to GET these high profile pieces.

What Moves You? My response...

You know when you write a book that talks about sex online you're going to get a lot of questions like, *Wink* "So what moves you?" undercurrent double entendre.

My answer: Function

Their face drops. That isn't what they wanted to hear? They want to know my kinks.

I can't give them what they want, because I never figured it out myself, which is why I am the perfect one for examining sex online. I won't get sidetracked with seeking to satiate my own desires. 

I look for what works and doesn't work for the people that have these desires.

Weapons of Compensation-When you are losing the battle?

One of my first and a favorite topics for my philosopher discussions that I bring up every few years is "Weapons of Compensation". When you are losing a disagreement, what do you pull out of your hat to turn the tide. In other words, what is your last trump-card defense.

I like this topic because it focuses on introspection. Less arguments and more ah ha moments, when you start to recognize that a Weapon of Compensation is being used against you, it indicates you have won the argument.

Ok, lets paint a picture of an argument with a neighbor which you appear to be losing after regular sane negotiations have failed, say over a fence boundary or obnoxious pets.

Vacation Mode = Disassociative


Wheee! I don't have to get up to go to work. I can play all day. Your rules no longer matter to me, I will do what entertains me. You can't stop me now!

This is vacation mode. When we finally get time off from work that is not dictating our actions by someone else's decree.

This is also the characteristical mindset that I attribute to the engagement level of the Disassociative State of Being while online. 

When some people come online under a different persona and anonymity and they suddenly feel FREE.

Breath In & Out Engagement

Today we had a lovely Roadside Philosopher's meeting and even with the holiday weekend had about 35 in attendance. The topic
was "Our Perspectives through Time".

The assignment was to think back when you were absolutely certain something was right, to find down the line that it was false. It was suppose to be a way of laughing at ourselves and the elusive fluidity of truth.

Childhood beliefs vs adult realities & Forever Loves that didn't turn out to be forever were some of the very serious components that were shared.

Online ARMOR-Keep it up!

Being online means you are either hiding behind anonymity, or your exposed. 

Those who perceive their online engagements as "not real", and use it as a form of entertainment could easily target you, just to vent.

The wolfs sometimes run in packs. The trolls work hard to be insulting, demeaning, crude and very targeted. They will pick out a comment, or your picture and specifically narrow in search for your weak spot. They want a reaction.

What do you have for Armor? How secure are you in the face of derogatory comments?

Group Facilitation Online- Or do you just want to be boss?

I just finished my Roadside Philosopher group discussion this morning. Everyone played nice and it was on a hot topic, "Love and Relationships" We had close to 50 in attendance.

Online facilitation has its own methodology. Most of the time it is a disjointed rat race in open chat, or a screaming match over the other person in voice.

I have been doing this now for over six years and trying to get a successful methodology out there. I get comments & approvals from many, but no matter how many see how I do it.

Tokens of Love-Redundant?

When I was little, my mom told me you should get people something that you would like yourself.

That more or less worked for me with family members and those of my same gender... BUT... it totally doesn't work for giving to the opposite gender. 

When you would love a nice dinner out and he would like a quiet homemade dinner in front of the TV.. how can you each get what you want? Someone is going to have to give up their desires?

Is is just for the woman that love is expressed? Why is that do you suppose?