Insight Blog
Virtual Handhold, LLC -  Human/Computer Interface Psychology
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Recent Posts

The Vacuum of a Break-up
OMG...or not! (When Bad Things Happen)
Stuck in Love Online?
How many Flavors of People?
Time is Money? or Time is Happiness?


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The Vacuum of a Break-up

What people are totally unprepared for when a breakup occurs is the vacuum.

Now a spot that has always been filled is gone? That hollow feeling, which repeatedly screams something-is-missing eats away at any resolve that constituted the breakup originally.

Vacuums are uncomfortable. Change is uncomfortable. Being a free ion probably is uncomfortable. Whenever there is a need to break, whether it be with a career choice, a significant other, a geographical location that is loved, anything that we considered ours and part of our identity .

OMG...or not! (When Bad Things Happen)

Bad things happen.

You have a disappointment or a biological snafoo and your first and only thought jumps to your worst fear. 

You are now using the little amount of positive energy you have toward, What? You are focusing your plot/story toward destruction.

Many of us read novels, biographies and movies, which as a requirement of interest, there is a major hiccup that has to be overcome. If there isn't such a catastrophe there is no reason to read the book, watch the movie or even have bothered with the story, right?

Stuck in Love Online?

Virtual relationships can be excellent support. They can also be invigorating, intriguing, feed our creativity, and put a spring in our step.

However, when your heart is so involved with your love online that you can not extract your feelings for real life engagements, it can feel like prison.

You are a prisoner of a love that doesn't seem plausible that it will ever come to fruition. You can't move forward with your life and you can't live just online, so what can you do?

It is simple for others to say, "Well forget him/her and move on.

How many Flavors of People?

You know how irrational it is when people try to compartmentalize you. 

"Oh, you're a yellow person, an INTJ, or you're an introvert." 

People try to squeeze you into an easy-to-understand judgemental box, so they can dismiss you or accept you based on an "either/or" decisions tree.

"You are not my religion, or the wrong color, too fat, too skinny" The way people superficially categorize others is a huge problem, especially when you are on the receiving end.

Time is Money? or Time is Happiness?

Most people who buy into the rules of the game look at their time as money. If I work harder, smarter I will get the points of the game...which is money.

With money I can buy the big house (I won't have time to stay in), the big tv (that shows the exact same shows as the little one), the fancy car (that drives the same distance to work as the economical one.) BUT people will look at me as successful!?!

That is apparently the point of the game... other people's approval. That is sad really. Don't the psychologists call that co-dependant?

Dating Sites--Is there hope?

Touch is so needed for these biological avatars we live in. We need to feel close to someone. Sometimes just a hug will do it. Sometimes you need a stable second personality to give you perspective.

Today the choices are... Meet someone at work; meet them at a bar; or a chance meeting at the laundromat or grocery store. A lot of hurdles to get to know someone, but dating sites say, "Come we All want someone. Meet them here!"

But remember each site needs money to run. Each site will claim they are the best in the business in one form or the other.

...But I am soo lonely?

Strange that with so many ways to connect in today's technological world, people can feel so alone.  

Everyone posts when something wonderful happens in their life or how much they love their significant other, which only increases the feelings of loneliness for those that are not actively engaged is some sort of partnership arrangement.

It can seem that all the world is happy and you just don't belong, but it is not so. 

We are ALL alone. That's right. Everyone of us are in our own skin and our own mind, alone!

A Call to Trolls!

What the &*(&)%!@#$! are you doing? I can hear the response

Trolls attack. They get in your face and make you examine every possible thought or motive that made you make a statement online. They are brutal and the more you respond with any type of emotion the more they nit-pick through your innards.

There are immersives that have become introverts, dropped off the web, and even committed suicide because of the viciousness of attacks. I am not condoning this type of behavior, but I can also see a tenaciousness that we need and can be directed toward reworking governments.

The Power of Acceptance

Crowd think. It is natural for our species to wish to belong. There is great power that can be wielded for good and evil because of that need.

Peer pressure would be an example of bad. Also patriotism and religion have been known to use this basic human need to manipulate individuals into doing things contrary to positive actions for self.

We need to feel accepted and valued. 

Yesterday's Roadside Philosopher's topic was, "What is your ultimate question?" We had many wonderful contributions but one question hit me as unique.

But what if I Fail?

Fear of failure seems to be a major motivating factor that STOPS everything.

"I can't talk to her. What if she doesn't like me?" 

We are afraid of rejection, so much so that games are incorporating that fear to get you to buy stuff. Wow, we can't even stand to see the word FAIL on a Candy Crush level so we will buy a cheat component to pass level 147.

"But what if I fail?" Is hardwired into us. Fail means you're not good enough...but in whose eyes? By what game?

Freedom of letting others be Free.

It is amazing how much we wish freedom for ourselves but want to curtail others.

It is also a knee-jerk reaction for women to want to tie down a man for their security, and men's desire NOT to be burdened. So we have a gender issue here.

We have those who think their religion should dominate the planet and they will do whatever they have to do to make others See the Light! 

There are those that say they are scientifically minded and believe everyone elses experiences irrelevant, seeking to step on and smear anything that can't be proved with numbers (as if numbers were not a

Agile Personal Relationship Choices

There are tons of articles that tell you how to spend your money, or predict your financial future with offerings of decision trees or unique methodologies, but very little to tackle the emotional drama-trauma that comes with intimate relationships?

So outside of theState of Beingcomponent (see presentation under education menu) to judge at what level of engagement the person opposite is in, I would like to offer one other simple structure.

You have all heard the  "What does it mean to you.

Project Manage Your Life

I meet a lot of Agile and Project Management professionals, but rarely do they think to take their business management expertise and apply it to their own life.

People seem to just be flotsom (material or refuse floating on water). Wherever the wave or current takes them they deal with it as if they have no control.

No one thinks. The day is filled with noise and demands from outside. They keep "background noise" going on all the time so they don't have to examine their own thoughts?

When Choosing a Partner, look for the Negative!

Making a decision about a mate is most often made by looking at what is desired.

He must be tall; she must be thin. Must be a beautiful person, make lots of money etc etc.

We shop like it is a grocery list. "Sorry you do not meet my criteria. You're dismissed."

This is totally the wrong way to look for a frail human companion.

The most important thing is to look at their faults. That's right...their faults. These are the things that will cause you to tear your hair out down the road.

...But a Name Makes it Real!

The "What is Real?" question about virtual existence has brought about tons of questionable aspects of our real life.

Names: What are names? Well if you pay the right people and fill out the right documents..."Poof" you now have a REAL company because it has a unique NAME! Did it exist before? Well, yeah you were working on it for awhile before you decided you wanted to be official. So giving it a NAME makes it real.

Back in the farming days people raised animals. I remember being told NOT to name the animals that were destined to be on the table, because you can not eat a pet.

Seeking Romance Online?

A delightful plan to shop for a like-minded person online...IF what you read online was 100% true. First decide the probability of truth for each item you read.

A huge amount of profiles on dating sites are foreigners working the site...trolling for lonely hearts, which they eventually wish to get close enough to... to spin a story that will wring money from you.

The list to the left is one I put up on Facebook for my friends. 

I work my recommendations almost daily, examining for those items listed.

Being Alone? Is that BAD? Are you of less value?

It is interesting this holiday season how many sad comments I am getting about the fact that I am no longer partnered. That means I am physically in my abode by myself. "OMG how horrid for you during the holidays?"

Trying to explain my feelings seem to be irrevelant.

Being alone is the natural state of being. We are all alone in our mind. No one invades or truly knows who we are but us.

Whether you interact in a group or not you are still inside your mind seperate. Even in a crowd you are alone.

The Pain Was So Bad; How Can I Love Again?

Having a breakup can put you in the gun-shy group, where you relive and relive what things SHOULD have been, and question what went wrong.

Then when you meet someone else you hold up the same things that were pleasant in the previous relationship and now see them leading you down the path of destruction. All pleasant things are now seen bad.

How can you get pass that and let yourself love again?
Yep, it was hard. Yep, your friends are really really tired of hearing your tale of woe and how it should have been, or how your ex is re-spinning the story that was the two of you into something it was never, just so they can justify themselves and their reactions.

Who Am I? The Internal Question.

We are pummeled back and forth with expectations and cultural and ethical guidelines, but in these constructs do we find who we are? Or do we just create an acceptable facade? 

How many voices are in our heads? How many rule books do we have to play to? When do we sift those things that don't work for us into an acceptable vision of who we really are?

I role play in life. I was a Mom because some wonderful little human beings came out of my body. I was a clown because I felt I needed a life with smiles.

Digital Mistress

A virtual exercise partner in the horizontal mamba, or in other words, a digital mistress is becoming more and more prevalent. 

Men need female support and those tantalizing comments that awaken the testosterone components that keep them driving forward. Some naughty words that make them smile and gives them drive.  

The woman that understands that they have needs becomes valuable. That naughty little comment between meetings, or the photo of a body part is like a vitamin B shot for men. (Hence, here comes the digital mistress.