Is it Cheating if you love online?
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Is it Cheating if you love online?

Like I explained in my book, you can love online. The question is, WHAT is it that you are actually in love with?

Plots that we live are real to us, virtual or biological. Just like any fiction that we believe whether a corporate, governmental, religious, or social construct. If we buy into them they are real for us.

If we recognize them as a plot or an interactive fiction, it most likely is not cheating.  It is co-authoring a story-line. We can love that plot and story line and be engaged in its outcome.

If,  you are lying to your significant other about what you are doing, you-yourself are questioning whether you believe it to be just a plot. 

No one person can hope to satisfy all aspects of anyone else's needs. Your real life partner might satisfy 80% of those needs but be handicapped with the sexual component gone. Or they might be great in the house but can not hope to understand what you do in the shop or understand your passion for golf.

Just because you found a golf partner in which you share your passion for golf, that is not cheating. Your partner acknowledges that you have an interest that they do not, and allows for time apart for you to satisfy that need with that golf partner.

The same amount of communication and allocation of time should be given with your time away for virtual engagement. They should expect a balance of your time. You should communicate with them what this new relationship satisfies in your life, with an agreed upon time allocated to go online, just like if it was a golfing hobby. Communication is very important for both your real life partner and your virtual one.

Now if you are a female and have a husband that is going online for sexual release, why is that? If you do not try to satisfy his biological needs, can you really hold him accountable for satisfying them in the most non-physically threatening way? His needs are not going to go away? 

Some people have really .. umm.. difficult kinks. If they can do it virtually and get relief rather than having you swing from the light fixture, maybe that isn't so bad?

We do not live for reality; we live for our fantasies! 

Men if your wife is going online for love, you are gone to much, need to communicate common goals and pay some attention. She needs to feel valued.

Oh and by the way, when someone falls immersively into a virtual plot it initially becomes a compulsion because they are now getting satisfaction that they have been denied for so long. Understandably that is a tough transition. They may not be able to even verbalize why there is such a need. 

If you find out that your partner cares for someone online, it might never subtract from their love of you. Hard to conceptualize that, but it is true. We really can love more than one person. Men have had wives and mistresses since the beginning of time. Each satisfy different needs, but he can love them both.

The questions are: Do you know what need this relationship is satisfying?
Have you communicated honestly with your partner?
If not...why haven't you? Maybe something else needs to be addressed. 

Partners may not be on the same maturity level, but if they are, honest communication is the best possible way of dealing with things. jumping to dramatic hostile interactions will leave both of you drained, deserted and wronged.

People will meet online and if there is a vacuum in their relationship in real, they will seek out what fills that vacuum.

When this was discussed at the Roadside Philosophers the only real definition we came up for cheating included "lying to your partner". 

So it is cheating if you are not honest with your partner, as difficult a proposition as that is, only an effort from both parties will keep the relationship together. 

16 Comments to Is it Cheating if you love online? :

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Pamala clift on Sunday, September 16, 2012 4:01 AM
Nothing says you have to stop loving your ex. Your new relationship is just another phase of your life. Perfection doesn't last, and it must not have been perfection at least from one persons view point, so it was your storyline that was smashed. Which is always sad. Morn the lost of that, but know that your story was just a story and focus on o. Think of it as a book you finished reading.. sad to see it gone, but the story is over.
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Henry Rich on Tuesday, October 02, 2012 5:37 AM
This is a fabulous post. I so agree with it.
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Pamala Clift on Sunday, October 07, 2012 6:58 AM
Awesome that you took time to validate these thoughts. This whole technology interaction thing has caught humanity off guard. If we don't look at it square in the face and deal with it, it will never get any better. Thank you so much. I look forward to your continued input. Hugs

Pamala Clift on Sunday, October 07, 2012 6:52 AM
Thank you for your thoughts and your energy in expressing value about your online love. Virtual Relationships are amazing, but please put a bit of a pillow around your heart. If things do eventually end, that does not make your experience now any less amazing. Hugs, Pam
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dr on Sunday, November 11, 2012 10:48 PM
Hello all, Many of you ask yourself, what if i had the password of my friend / girlfriend / boyfriend, associate, life partner to know the truth about your near partner, and reassuring that they do not hide you something. You have the right to be reasured ! For all that are in need of this kind of services We come to your aid, feel free to contact us on our mail for any information, we will be happy to help you "Owning the information, means having the power " [email protected]
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Pamala Clift on Monday, November 12, 2012 10:57 PM
I am not sure that I think this type of service would or should be used. If you have not the ability to communicate with your significant other, than there are a lot of other problems with the relationship. However, if this is a long time partner that has suddenly clammed up, I can see how that could be frustrating. Please people be cautious when choosing to use hackers. This link is not something I would recommend.

Christopher Bendon on Friday, November 16, 2012 11:04 PM
Interesting topic! I don't think online love is cheating as long as both lovers are seeking for a love partner. Thanks.
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Pamala Clift on Thursday, November 22, 2012 4:44 PM
Thank you Christopher for your comment, but I am confused. You don't think it is cheating if your looking for love? I am guessing this is spam.. What do you guys think?

Christian dating website on Sunday, December 02, 2012 11:16 PM
Honesty is the basic need for any relationship and I agree with it. It is a necessary part for both the parties.
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training rsa on Thursday, January 10, 2013 10:50 PM
Social media plays a big role in the most of the youth's life-style. The info that you have shared is very effective to resolve such problems.
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Jony Walker on Monday, January 21, 2013 5:01 AM
Constructive article it is! That is good news for every lover because they can communicate with their mind speech in online. It is not cheating if you love online because it is the part of technology. Thanks
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Ralph Lauren on Friday, June 28, 2013 8:32 AM
my first love is the online love,it is a bad memory for me.
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ricky on Tuesday, February 04, 2014 9:44 PM
I like the blog Its has nice information.
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cheating spouse nc on Tuesday, March 25, 2014 5:17 AM
My first love not in online but i believe that online love is not a cheating. Love is not like other. So mean it.
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click here on Monday, June 02, 2014 12:17 AM
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