Weapons of Compensation-When you are losing the battle?
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Weapons of Compensation-When you are losing the battle?

One of my first and a favorite topics for my philosopher discussions that I bring up every few years is "Weapons of Compensation". When you are losing a disagreement, what do you pull out of your hat to turn the tide. In other words, what is your last trump-card defense.

I like this topic because it focuses on introspection. Less arguments and more ah ha moments, when you start to recognize that a Weapon of Compensation is being used against you, it indicates you have won the argument.

Ok, lets paint a picture of an argument with a neighbor which you appear to be losing after regular sane negotiations have failed, say over a fence boundary or obnoxious pets. 

You could: 
  • You puff-up your size & intimidate them
  • You bat your eyes and flirt with them
  • You can yell, holler & cuss to intimidate them
  • You can throw money in their direction to bribe them
  • You can cry and milk sympathy from them
  • You can use big words and confuse them
  • You can call upon your connections of power to threaten them
  • You can make jokes & defuse the situation for later
  • You can claim authority to devalue their opinion
  • You can talk fast & confusing so they give up trying to understand
  • You can just talk incessantly wearing them down with a filibuster 
  • You can actually get a club or a weapon and threaten them
  • You walk away and give them the silent treatment
  • You become passive aggressive and do undercover tricks against them
  • You lie or create false stories about the circumstances 
  • You call in your friends to come stand behind you and intimidate them with numbers 

I eagerly await more trump card inputs, but those are some that have previously been given. 

The reason that this exercise is valid, is because once you recognize in yourself the behavior that says you are now stepping outside of reason to get your way, you can then start to analyze in what situations causes you to lose and maybe make yourself aware of the way you cheat.

That is right, cheat...

It could be brought about by them using one of these tactics, so we feel compelled to trump their play, but that is a totally different game than the original argument.

"Well, the mayor is my brother-in-law."
"Oh Yeah, well I am having his wife over to lunch Tues."

We have lost the topic of conversation and are playing the disassociative game that takes us farther from the solution. 

I am probably guilty of using all of these at one time or the other. What has really helped me about recognizing this is now I can see when the other party has figured they are losing. I unfortunately show my emotions in my face and smile. (Which always ticks them off more)

Had a boss start yelling at me because, what he was asking was inappropriate for honest customer service. I smiled and said, "Do you really think by raising your voice your argument will be more valid?" Probably not the right thing to say to a boss, but it is in point what you need to think when you witness such behavior.

Don't let it push your buttons. Stick to the point or walk away knowing you won the debate and refuse to engage in the other component.

Once you recognize Weapons of Compensation, you can turn the volume level down on your engagement of the trump cards used.

The arguments are the same online when you see name calling, or general "That's stupid" comments. Recognizing that the comments are trump cards meaning they are unable to come up with more rational comebacks...means you have won. Smile and walk away.

5 Comments to Weapons of Compensation-When you are losing the battle?:

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Ludo Merit on Friday, April 26, 2013 6:00 AM
I probably can't be there tomorrow, so I'll comment. I think I generally just lose. I had an argument recently where I just went silent, because I realized she was probably right. Then I told her why I went silent. What's all this about winning an argument anyway? He who yields against his will is of the same opinion still, so what good is winning? Stopping the argument and keeping the relationship - that's where it's at.
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Ludo Merit on Friday, April 26, 2013 6:05 AM
I have friends in this group. If you friends want to do me a favor, tell me what weapons of compensation you've seen me use. Looking back on my life, I tend to cry, but I think that was honest crying because I was losing. In one case I was crying and telling the other person he won at the same time.

Pamala Clift on Friday, May 10, 2013 3:13 AM
Ludo you are so gentle and considerate I am sure if you have used any weapons of compensation it would be puppy dog eyes.. smile We all get backed into a corner once in awhile, but if you haven't felt like that you are probably not using any trump cards. Hugs

Laborious on Friday, April 26, 2013 7:37 AM
Interesting analogy. Though I probably shouldn't be posting here. I preferred lately to send them to wonderland and let them get lost in the process. That or dump the mountain of info/facts on them and let them deal with it how ever they want. After all I see things different than others and to each their own in that regard. The 2 females that got simi close to me showed me that love is one of the many delusional states of mankind. Still not sure why you all want to suffer from such though. P.S. If liberal and conservative is in everyone and some post to get rid of one or the other. Why not step on them for denying there own parts though each has varying degrees? Sorry if this disrupts your feed and you can delete it after you read if you fell like it. I got used to that from saying less on the H+ sites. Part of why I drifted away from them also.
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Pamala Clift on Friday, May 10, 2013 3:11 AM
I love your comments Laborious, you always make me think, sometimes I am successful in following your train of thought...other times not, but you are always welcomed to contribute and I encourage you to continue. Send them to wonderland? Is that a virtual world? hehe Yep I totally see how you could win with the dumping of facts. You swamp my mind lots of times. Hugs

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